paraphilia

In that last post I was thinking on the biological reward system linked to accomplishment but it was really an aborted attempt at explaining some stuff I’d been thinking over.

I’ve noticed my mood can track how busy I stay in accomplishing things with a couple of interesting curves.  When I get overwhelmed I want to curl up and avoid everything.  Also, I need a certain amount of Drew Time to just unwind and not doing anything particularly productive on a regular basis (reading, video games, or coding an encrypted backup system among my computers at home).  I can postpone Drew Time, but it creates a time-debt, similar to avoiding sleep, that has to be paid back or there are consequences.  I’m getting better at not avoiding things when overwhelmed but when I miss enough Drew Time it makes the whole system break down and I start getting crabby and doing shoddy work.

This weekend I ran into those consequences since I was both overwhelmed over the last couple months with seemingly many little things, ran out of Drew Time, started avoiding things, and got frustrated with myself for avoiding them.  Once you start getting frustrated with yourself for being yourself (not liking how you’re acting/thinking/being/whatever) it kinda turns into a pity-party-death-spiral.  So I walked away from that spiral and took a weekend to clean house (both mentally and for reals, since I find cleaning tends to be a good activity to help you meditate on things) and avoided people.  I slept too much, did dishes and laundry, fixed a couple things, played video games, watched movies, lit candles and didn’t bother putting on pants for about 48 hours.  I’m feeling like myself again, and it’s rather nice.

{
It was just the lack of pants that helped me get my head straight.
}